Lina Ru

Since I was a kid I have always wanted to be an author. I didn’t know how to be one, but I knew it was my all. So, I wrote my first poetry book at the age of 15. It was a compilation of 350 poems. I went with a famous publisher, and he said,” Poetry does not sell. Kid, you’ll get over this really soon. You will grow up, and find out you don’t want to be a poet.” I insisted I really wanted to be a writer, so he continued,” Do things that do bring profit. Like these childish thoughts you have compiled, not the poems.”

I walked out of there really sad. I had never felt so deceived by reality. People tell you that when you grow up you discover life is not a fairy tale, well… Having 15 years old, and discovering your fairy tale didn’t exist is pretty hard.

However, your innocence tells you it is only one person. Surely, it is your bad luck. I walked out of there thinking,” I won’t be let down by one person. I will prove this is not just a childish wish.”

I continued writing. I decided the only way I could become good at writing was practicing. So, I began another collection of 300 poems. I knew I needed to understand language better, so I began studying french and german.

In between, I went to Medical School. I stayed there for two years. I wanted to find some answers like: Where does creativity come from? Why do we think with words? Why are we conscious? How does our brain work? What is the influence hormones have in your behavior?

I discovered that Medical School had no answers, but more questions that could be answered by me reading stuff. Medical students are incredible people who study a lot, and devote their lives into understanding our bodies and sometimes ached souls.

I began studying Computer Systems Engineer. It was back then, when I decided to enter contests. I won none. In fact, one of those gave me feed back. If I had thought my experience with a famous publisher was the worst as a writer. I found something worse. The review about my poetry was devastating my whole way of writing, thinking, and even being. It got me pretty bad.

However, my hopes could not go down. I knew all I wanted was to write, so I said to myself. I need to practice even more, so I decided to make my biggest anthology: a book with 1000 poems.

Then, questions came…. I understood it was only me who could give the answers. No one could give them to me. Books could only tell me to look this way or that way, so it all became a strange paths, understanding life is not what others portray, and discovering the joy of life is in being yourself.

So, “Who am I?” became my biggest question. I can’t say I found an answer, but I discovered enough to change the way I think about everything. This does change over time, as I have a broader comprehension about what is life about. I overcame the fear of becoming a failure. I decided to learn Chinese, and understand how do people think through symbols.

Then, some terrible things happened. I was confronted with total powerlessness. The kind of powerlessness that only comes when someone has total power over you, and you have nothing but your mind to wander away. I didn’t fight, but did not want to die. I still was afraid of death. However, this act gave me the force to ask deeper questions and to see how much fear is keeping us captive and not letting us live fully. This situation is more complicated than I am explaining it here, but the actions in the past are not the transcendental. The importance lies in the consequences of living and experiencing without rejecting or ignoring what happens to you, it is better to confront than to evade…. Why? Think it out!

There is a lot more, but at the end: My writings are the reflection of who I really am, and therefore my real biography.

So, here I am traveling through this journey to be who I am, and if you wish…

Join me into this journey to just love!