Let me first begin with the fact that fear creates violence.

People use fear to control others, but what they do not realize is that that same fear in fact will create violence in order to defend itself from the boogie man.

Now, is this true? Does fear create violence? One has to seek within ourselves, and ask: Is there a relationship between myself being anger and a state of fear? For example, if I lose a loved one. I get angry at life. Is this anger directly proportional to the loss of the loved one? Is this anger related to my state of fear because I feel vulnerable without my loved ones who gave me a sense of inner security?

This is a suggested process of how violence could work within ourselves:

The chain that does not end, unless you end the conditional response. A response that has been nurtured by a cultural tradition of what kinds of responses are expected from you when being attacked. Ask yourself: When did you learn to act this way? Do you remember a specific moment? Most probably, you won’t. In fact, what you will remember is a set of rules set by example.

Your family might be trapped within this cycle or perhaps, a lover or a dear friend. If you do, realize that this process is taking place in your life. The only way to cut the chain is to walk away from those who are not willing to modify their pattern of aggression.

This might sound radical, but how can you change someone or something that is not willing to admit that something is wrong? You can’t.

You can only choose to change yourself, and that can only be done if you are no longer in the cycle. There are certain people who might trigger these emotional processes easier than others within yourself. Therefore, do not expect to change instantly. It takes time to override each and every button you have that can be triggered by a removal of your beliefs of safety (i.e fear based manipulation).

The reason people use fear to control is because it works in the short term. If you fear something, you will easily fall into manipulation of those who want to control you.

For example, if you do not want to sleep. Perhaps, a family member threatened to call the police and take you away if you did not sleep when they told you so. That act is creating fear through psychological violence.

In fact, fear is not good or bad. It is supposed to prevent you from harming yourself, but I ask: What would happen if our society stopped controlling through fear? What would happen if instead of fear, a new process called awareness of the consequences occurred?

As in the example above, what would happen if instead of threatening with the police, one would explain once and again the reason one has to sleep early? Why is it not explained that it is needed to rest in order for others to rest and also to be strong every day after resting?

It is not about not being able to understand! It is about being patient until one gets it! But, what happens if we are inside the cycle? Is there a way out? This is a suggestion, but do work out your own process.

Without deep analysis there won’t be real progress. Repeat each time you are in the cycle of violence. Don’t expect to be violence free at your first attempt. It is a process. It will take many years to master a peace mindset. Be patient.

Why do we prefer to threaten, instead of being patient? The reason is fear.

The use of threats occurs because the one threatening is afraid of the response of the one being manipulated. However, if one does not fear but understands and becomes patient… Where will fear go? What happens with fear? Does it really matter if we cannot eradicate fear? What is the key aspect here?

In order to overcome fear and violence, one must become aware.

Fear is the one that will make you enter the cycle of violence. It is not until to realize this that you can actually change your violent mindset, thus by becoming aware you can change. Fear can be overcome if it is confronted. If it is ignored it could become harmful through this vicious cycle, until you decide enough is enough! However, if fear is ignored… There might be a very good reason.

Do not be fooled or convinced by my ideas. I am just initiating the discussion. Challenge! Defeat my thought with real awareness of yourself. You need to get into it by yourself.

It is all up to you to change! No one will do it for you. You are the only one who that can beat violence through an awareness of its process within yourself as you feel your body getting tense with adrenaline.

Choose not to fall into the cycle. If you fail to be calm, do not fall into the trap of frustration as it is also part of fear. You might be afraid of not letting go of the cycle. Fear is elusive, yet it might be there when you think it is not.

Only your own observations can answer this!

Forgiveness makes you a better human being, and it gives you peace of mind and makes you a compassionate, loving heart.

We have been programmed to think that we need forgiveness by those who we have hurt, so things may remain the same. Yes, we have been taught that if the one you offended forgives you, then nothing happened. However, things did happen, so consequences never remain the same.

If you hurt someone, consequences will always arrive. There is a famous saying,” Do to others what you would like others do to you.”  What is the reason behind this? To remove the blindfold we have been living for some many centuries and realize that we are all one. This might sound outrageous or be even felt as another “belief” that has no true foundation.

However, I invite you to read to see the “philosophy” behind this concept: Your body does not end where your skin does. Your mind thinks this way because your body has a senses that defines itself through them producing the experience of life…. That “external” experience that seems to be “independent” from your conscious self.

Yet, ask your lungs; they need oxygen provided by trees’ leaves.  Ask your liver; it needs nutrients food provides. Ask the apple going down your esophagus; Are you already me or are you still an apple? In fact, your consequences do not end where your skin does, why should we then believe we are just “the name given to us at birth”? Why do we believe that our skin and senses define who we are? Could there be something else, but we are blinded by what we “believe”? Before the world “seemed” flat, and now we know it is round…. Tell that to people who lived that period of time, and believed that.

If we really take sometime each day from our lives to understand this, we will eventually give new perspective to the meaning of forgiveness. Let’s break this down a little bit more:

To give forgiveness means you have the power to forgive. Do you really have such? In a way, it could seem you do. However, think about it a little more. Ask again, do you really have the power to forgive someone in such a way the consequences of the act the person seeking forgiveness will not eventually appear in his/her life? …..

If you want to learn to forgive, do not give forgiveness as it is only a word. Instead, act with compassion and love.

The answer is no. You do not have the power. You may be friends/husband/any relationship of that person as if nothing had happened, but the consequences are way beyond our control.

This means that when you forgive, you can release yourself from the dreadful feelings associated with anger, frustration, despair, and the internal pain caused by suffering. As I stated in the beginning of this text, you are the one who will be most be benefited from forgiveness by becoming free from the act of selfishness done by that person who caused you pain.

Although, you don’t have the power to remove the consequence of a determined act, you can wish for the person who harmed you to be forgiven beyond yourself and really be compassionate for him because he/she does not know the consequences of his deeds and how these will hurt him back. You can wish that he/she realized that each time you harm, you are also harming yourself.

Nothing is independent; existence is an entwined ball of actions that always bounce back. However, we want to believe otherwise, so each time you do something selfish, it is justified inside your mind. Never the less, if you observe carefully the ones who do most harm, are most miserable. It is a fact that is hidden behind the glare of popularity, fame, or power.

It is then when you will really forgive and you will become free from suffering. Are we ready to be free? Or will be something too tough to assimilate? Give it a try, and comment!

Photo Credit: by OliBac

To be self confident you need to believe in yourself. You must be aware you may make mistakes. However, you must also be aware that those errors will make you become a better person. After each mistake, you must embrace change with happiness because you have been given the opportunity to overcome something and grow internally.

We cannot continue this path of thought where libertinism means to be free. It is a path of self destruction. You can only be free within yourself, and in fact the less your freedom depends on others, the freer you will actually be. Why? It does not depend on your ability to perceive, but in the actual freedom, the truth behind your conceptions.

Yet, you’ve got to understand why by yourself. Although it may sound contradictory, we cannot force others comply with our points of view because that means there is no freedom, but we cannot live as if freedom means to do whatever you want with no consequences.

We cannot leave everything in hands of our government and its policies because as stated above… It will all depend on points of view that will only lead you into a ‘political’ trap: communism, marxism, socialism, capitalism or whatever ‘ism’ is not the ‘ideal way’. There is no such thing as an ideal or perfect way. We can only learn and try to find your ‘middle way’: the path of love or at least your happiness and peace.

How to do it? It is really difficult to deal with short thinking, blinded, and stubborn people who think their ‘truth’ is the only one. Yet, we must be aware of something: Nothing is forever. No one lives forever. They can live all their lives like that, let them be…

Our job is not to make them understand what is “right” for them because if you try to impose them what you think is “right” for them, then there will be no difference between them and you.

However, we can open the minds of our new generations, so they may walk the ‘unforeseen’ path and reach that world of progress, respect, love, and peace we all should linger for until it becomes our reality.

We should be out there working for a better ourselves, not for a better political system because at the end those systems are a reflection of ourselves. Although, it may be important to give a sense of reality to those who ‘have the power’ we must not be completely focused in that. Politics is a game where there is no loser or winner. It is a game where there is a positive aftermath or a negative aftermath, and we all will receive the consequences, not only the ‘winner or loser’.  Some people love the game, let them. Don’t fight true battles by confronting and killing the opponent directly.

So, let it be a game without forgetting that there are a lot of things more important beyond the ‘game’ like changing humanity by being an example of love and positive self-esteem, and as a consequence there will be a change in politics. You do not need to confront someone to make a change; you can do it quietly through a simple and definite way: BY YOUR EXAMPLE!

For example, Gandhi showed another way, by which he changed indirectly the politicians though the way of non-resistance. This way hides a deeper aspect of letting things go without moving your finger from the point/truth.  Why? The truth cannot be hidden. It is a matter of time for it to shine so bright it will make everyone who is not prepared blind. This way does not mean to go a let yourself be beaten to make your point be understood, actually, it states: Forget about direct confrontation through violence! Use your imagination to make your point be heard.

Gandhi used several techniques though his life, one of those implied beating, another starving to death, yet these times require not to repeat what has been done in the past…

Instead, it is time to use the deep truth beyond those ideas to provoke change and make them shine. How?  Challenge yourself!

• Challenge yourself by questioning your own arguments if you love writing,
• Create a civil society if you are very good with your social skills,
• Write songs or paint to bring consciousness if you are great at the arts,
• Use copy-left licenses, so more people can be affected by your skills,
• Use any other kind of skill you have…
• Challenge the ordinary and make a change!

Feel confident about yourself and what you do. Surely you will make mistakes, we all do, but if there is an honest and unselfish intention behind everything you do, then you will feel great about yourself! Give it a try!  Do it! The sky is not the limit! There is so much more, so unknown to humankind! Remember, this is a very long trip, but the most satisfactory. There will be moments of total despair, but at the end although, I may always be wrong…

The truth will always prevail!

Of course, there are may types of attacks. Ones may be physical and psychological or just psychological. However, the impact of any type of attack on yourself is profound.

It is in these attacks where a window of opportunity is opened: The capacity to grow and overcome this through observation, awareness, and then change will take place.

Let’s make conscious some internal workings we may not be aware of:

You may believe power comes from controlling others, when it actually exists when you are in control of YOURSELF.

Cause <-> Effect
-> one way
<-> Both ways

• Feeling Abused -> Anger
• Feel Abused <-> Feel Powerless
• Feel Powerless <-> The need to control others to gain security
• The need to control others to gain security <-> Fear
• Fear -> Anger
• Anger <-> Sadness

In other words,

01Feeling Abused -> Anger
Anger may be a common response when we feel abused. In such moments, anger may provoke an aggressive response or a silent protest. Even a silent response, may induce resent. Therefore, abuse causing anger needs to be detected before anger controls you and you won’t be able to see beyond the abuse.

What does “to see beyond the abuse” mean? It means abuse needs to be understood to be free from it, not only to have a reaction through anger or sadness, but to see beyond behavior to understand ourselves better.

02Feel Abused <-> Feel Powerless When you feel abused, you can sense how powerless you really are. It happens that you may not even aware of this, but the impact of your agression toward the world surrounding you when we feel powerless is enormous. This all is influenced by your definition of what is fair.  For example, if you worked hard for an A and got a D, you may feel abused, and if you can’t change the note… You will feel powerless, thus angry and frustrated. This chain of reactions will only lead to a negative consequence. You need to be aware of it before it takes control over you. Why? The angrier  you get, the less will you be able to observe your surroundings or yourself to take the appropriate action for a positive result.

03Feel Powerless <-> The need to control others to gain security When there is no control or actual manipulation, freedom really begins to exist. Unfortunatly, we don’t regularly see this because we want to prefer the feeling of security over freedom. However, the security provoked by controling others is just ephimeral and not real. Security exists only when you are free, but freedom from your inside, not outside. The more you are aware of your own instincts and patters, the better you will feel because you will be free from yourself, thus you will feel no need to control others.

04The need to control others to gain security <-> Fear When you are feeling power powerless, you realize you can never really control others, and you can’t even not be in control of yourself, fear may come in, and aggression could find a way into your mind. When you realize you are powerless, you may want to control others, you could try to use “force” to obtain thing your way through control and manipulation, and if you don’t get it your way, anger gains control over you.

Do you realize the more you feel the need to control others, the less will you actually be in need of the others to feel secure, thus your security will always be false and depending others? Eventually, those you think you will always control, will realize it. Manipulation doesn’t live forever, people die. Yet, you will always be with yourself.

05Fear -> Anger It is when you feel fear when your animal instincts gain force. Fear is a primeval feeling that is deeply related with how secure we feel. A long time ago, when we heard a roar we had to run. That adrenaline rush keeps coming after all these centuries, but in the form of anger. Why? We may not need to kill the prey, but we still feel the rush that becomes anger toward those who seem to take our security away from us. What would happen if we could realize we do not need to control others to feel secure? What would happen if we don’t feel fear when we are not under control over things? What would happen if we could understand ourselves so well, we can feel security by seeing the truth beyond our biased perceptions?

06Anger <-> Sadness Least, but not last… Anger is actually sadness, the realization you are not “powerful” and you will never be “secure”, unless something changes deeply inside of you. If you see yourself really closely when in anger, you will realize without a doubt that when you are anger, you are really sad about something. It could be you are sad because you cannot obtain something you deserve (the definition of what is just in your eyes), you may have a low-self esteem without realzing it consciously, and then it is projected by anger when you are feel sad, disappointed, alone, worthless, etc. and don’t want to realize it because doing it means you will change. Most of us, don’t want to change until we reach the limit.

When will enough be enough? After a storm… Sense and accept the changes.

At the end, I may be wrong and I’m not going to tell you what to do, but give you hints about what could be going on inside yourself. If we could understand the consequences of our actions before they unfold, perhaps will we be ready to live with confortably with those. It takes a lot of courage to react against the most, but if you don’t start your own positive current: Who will? What are you waiting for?

The more you become aware of what you do and why, the less will you suffer. Think about it!

Photo Credit: Dhilung Kirat

Are thoughts a trustworthy source of self knowledge? Why?

Thought 1: I don’t like you.
The same person, within the same hour.
Thought 2: I love you.
Thought 1: I am sure.
The same person encounters an event that changes his old paradigms.
Thought 2: I don’t believe on that anymore.

Is a volatile thought generator a valid source to get to know me?

Certainly, in a physical external environment where you are certain those thoughts will produce some action because…

For example:
Certain thought 1: I don’t like cats. They produce me allergies.

Will this person change his mind? Unless the allergies are vanished, he will live all his life disliking cats.

But… Is a volatile thought generator a valid source of self/inner (not subjective) knowledge?

Could be… Could not be… How can we know?

Mind exploration with out many possible capacities:

• Thought
• Creativity
• Emotion
• Hormones
• Brain
• Others

Why have we evolved in such a way we can use thought is the means of transforming abstraction into thought, and then ordered words?

There should be a reason, so… To know our mind we can use as a first step thoughts. A volatile form of communicating with ourselves and others.

This is important to know because if we understand this, then we can change our minds freely. There is no need to fixate with ideas because ideas are thoughts, and those are volatile.

Thoughts change and the results of those produce different actions. Things also change, how will we adapt to those changes if our thoughts may not be ready for those changes? How fast does our surroundings (nature & people) change? Do does our mind move as fast? We all can be wrong at the long run, but may be right in the short term.

Does the truth change? What is the truth?

When will be admit… we all can make mistakes to learn from them?

Photo Credit: By Christopher Harriot